Peeves, The First-Punctuation

Only recently got back with a long lost love – peoples’ profiles on Orkut. All it involves is hopping from one community to the other, clicking on names and display pictures at random and reading what they spent hours putting together. Status message - check. Profile sections, testimonials, photo album - check. In times of killing boredom, scrapbook all the way to December last - check. By then, you are likely to feel the first waves of nausea which have been sourced to potentially fatal overdoses. My suggestion, pick another random face from your would-be-could-be culprit’s friend list. Repeat procedure.

Be rest assured I propose a tried and tested, oh-so-respectable way out of boredom. Hours of entertainment AND no viruses, imagine. Heck, you can even create your own blog and write about it! :P

Bulleted below are a few um, choice portions. They can make you laugh and alternatively make you pull out your hair and scream in agony. I’m sure you’ll recognize most, perhaps even identify with some. Feel free to add to the list.

Before we hit separate sections of a profile, my one basic pet peeve - spelling and grammar conditions. May seem like a dry point to you, but that’s beside the point. Point is, i don….. undrstnd yy…. da peeps need tah… type lyk dis!!! Their POV is that the words can still be made out. Yeah, right. If you’re a seasoned decoder.

For cripes’ sake, it’s a 5-step demolishment policy they’ve distributed worldwide! Exclusive excerpts (painfully retyped in the King’s English for the most part) brought to you straight from the Haay Cumshinner’s desk –

a. Eliminate vowels. Vowels affect chances of peaceful afterlife.
b. Extended and misplaced ellipses (………..) are supplied at wholesale prices. Free of cost, for the elite. USE THEM!!
c. Capitalization is evil. Socialists we shall remain (no, not related) and teeny tiny typeface throughout we must propagate.
d. Do away with onomatopoeic “Haha, hehe, heehee”s. Bring in the lolz, lmao, rotflmfao – and swt. All else failing, go “ssup???????”.
e. Punctuation died with Gandhi. Make up for the commas, periods and question marks with scores of ‘!’s.

In case you happened to overlook the fact, the ellipses come in to buy time; particularly when they realize the next worked has to be spelt the Oxford way. Proven fact (Definitely the second half if not the first… Nonsense! That was tautology :l ) that it takes longer to think up “quirky” spellings and type them out than it does for Old Schoolers (in this case, inclusive of the likes of me) to type out entire ‘normal’ paragraphs.

Wait a minute. This post started out as one of those ‘mock the man!’ missions… turned into something along the same lines, but not quite. The finer aspects of profile hopping and subsequent revelations will come your way soon. Truth be told, I’ll enjoy writing about it far too much to put it off indefinitely.