We Are Shifted.

I realized only today that there are people who've signed up as followers fairly recently. You slavedrivers expect me to write more, eh? Drive me. I need it for things beyond completing college assignments and consuming daal. Yellow, unchanging, diversified forms of daal. I love daal. How could I not? Bah. Digression.

I'm surprised people want to read stuff I've written over the last 2 years and continue to. Genuine surprise but it feels nice. Thanking you'll is stupid, you aren't reading to do me a favour. But nice toh it remains. Just saying.


So yeah, there was this college assignment due for Creative Writing last October - a new blog. I kindasortamaybe cheated in that some posts on that blog were sourced from this one. It's still stuff I wrote and edited, right? Yeaaaah! Thank you. Oh but the template's happier and even though I like this url better, that's there too.. it's a direct lift and yet it isn't. Heck, I named it the same. *judges own lack of originality. decides to call it "brand loyalty". take that, bitches!*
That's where I've been posting ever since. Posting irregularly, in no more than spurts, but posting nonetheless.

Am I getting you to follow 2 blogs to slyly take up my Followers tally? Gah. I stopped checking that long back. Right when I figured I was writing mediocre things on a public forum that I don't market anyway. Feels weird but I'm learning to sell what I do. I'm selling myself! =O
And getting marked for it.
Blessed BMM.
Ask about the resume I made for Brand Communications. I feel invaded, on a certain level. Like I've been invaded, not my privacy, you read that right.


Haan so getting to the point! Fucking digression. The man I keep was right. This is the blog. Where I Doodle, college edition. On your pretty page, waiting to be "discovered", read and perhaps thought about. Feedback is always welcome. lyfbrat prompted this post and in turn lit up your Reader. Be nice.

Oh and that bit about selling stubborn in/un/non-creativity and calling it brand loyalty? Bhenchod I might just manage to survive (not stay sane) in media. I find I'm capable of thinking like them.

Presenting All that Is Average

Showed up in the Drafts folder, you might as well rush through it :)

Today, I went to church. We were singing the hymn 665. Out of curiosity, I looked to see which church song deserved number 666. It was missing. MLIA

Today, I went with my mom to a furniture store. I was bored, so I just sat on a chair the whole time. Two elderly ladies came in and stared at me, talking to each other, trying to determine if I was real or not. MLIA

Today, I was in the AT&T store with my sister. I tried texting my own cell phone from one of the ones on display, and it actually worked. Later on, I saw a younger girl looking at the same cell phone I had used. I sent the phone a text reading, "Buy me." I don't think she caught on, but her totally shocked expression was priceless. MLIA.

Today, I was asked to substitute for a grade 9 geography class. They were learning about Inuit culture and had to watch a movie. About half way through, an adorable Inuit baby came on screen, laughing and running around. A boy in the front of the class then proceed to raise his hand and ask why the baby was laughing in English. Life fail? I think so. MLIA.

Today, I was waiting at the grocery store for my friend when a woman walked through the electronic door and froze in place. I heard her mutter to herself, "What did I come here for?" I called out to her, "Toilet paper! Milk! Bananas!" She looked at me and said "BANANAS! That's a great idea!" and dashed off. I saw her later, walking through the store. Her arms were full of bananas. MLIA.

Today I was making a craft project that used different colors of wool. I couldn't tell wether one bit was black or dark blue, so I held it up to my face and sniffed it. I then realized that I lack the ability to smell color. MLIA

Today, I was in a restaraunt using my knife to make a reflection on the ceiling and move it in erratic patterns until I realised the girl two tables away was doing the same thing. We then spent over five minutes playing Tag with our cutlery reflections. We're going out on Friday. MLIA

Today, I was using the bathroom in a restaurant. While I was doing my business, I considered the "Knick Knack Patty Whack" song. I suddenly realized that it goes to the same tune of the "I Love You" song from Barney. I was so shocked that I gasped very loudly just before the automatic flusher went off. A little girl in the stall next to me said "These potties scare me too." MLIA

Today my family was eating dinner. My step mom set down potato salad on the table. I thought about it for a while and realized that I like like potatoes, and I like salad, but when their forces combine...I completely hate it. I told this thought to my sister and without skipping a beat she said, "That's exactly how I feel about camel toes."

Today my computer was saying that it could not detect my keyboard. It then proceeded to ask me to press F1 to continue. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in the park and saw a guy walking a turtle. The turtle had a leash. MLIA

Today, I took a math test which I found really easy, so I drew an "A" at the top and put it in chains, with the words "free him" next to it. When I got it back, my teacher had drawn scissors cutting the chains and wrote congratulations. How did scissors cut metal chains? MLIA.

Today, my biology teacher passed out our quiz. About ten minutes into the quiz, almost everyone in the room was laughing uncontrollably. Why? We are studying genetics, and my teacher decided to use two students in the problem on the second part of the quiz. Apparently, these two "never wanted kids, but after experiencing how fun it was to make babies, they had three." They were sitting next to each other in class. I didn't know that two people's faces could get so red. MLIA

Last week at family christmas, my grandma asked me when I was getting married, trying to guilt me by saying she's not going to be around forever and she wants to see one more grandchild get married. I'm still in college and haven't though much about marriage, replied I'd get married when my boyfriend asks me while dressed as Prince Charming. Apparently my grandma told my boyfriend and today I was proposed to by Prince Charming, and I'm now engaged. MLIA

Today, I was reading MLIA to see if my story had made the website. Everytime I saw "Today," I got excited thinking it was my story. It wasn't. MLIA

For more.

Wherein I Theorize

That panel on your right, the one that calls itself Labels? It lies. I've been so full of moods lately, 9 is a bad bad bad BAD misapproximation. The last few posts are proof. So anyway, I figured I'd let the rambling be and embark on another topic close to my heart. Theories. The sort few know about and fewer care to know. But laa la laa, this is my blog and hence, know you will!


To commence proceedings, there is my RockStar theory. A personal favourite. So. Some folks idolize 'rockstars', some tolerate them and only the tiniest minority ever ignores them. Rockstars are cool, period. And you know how it goes - If someone says they are, one must prove they aren't.

Consider rocks, whichever sort you fancy. All rocks -big rocks, small rocks, nice rocks, mean rocks, all rocks- start out as teeny tiny things. They get fatter, they grow older, they grow wiser and then they die. You with me? Right. Now as children we were told that on dying every goes right up and becomes a star. So stars are essentially rocks.

Now, every star -big star, small star, nice star, mean star, every star- starts out as a teeny tiny thing. It gets fatter, it grows older, it grows wiser and then it dies. But see, stars are cooler than rocks - they don't become starrier. They explode. Dhadaam! Crackle, sparkle, crackle. Sometimes, some fragments reach The Big Blue Barn and stay put. These, dear reader, are your rocks. And then they get fatter, grow older, grow wiser.. you get it.


Dust, kachra, stony stony tukdas. Rocks, stars. Rockstars, that's right. So when people talk of 'da rokkkstarzz', they're basically talking recycled dust and grime. And minerals and all, yes. Rocks are inanimate, we could go someplace with that but then they wouldn't be allowed to die and my entire theory would have to be reworked. Nyet nyet. Still, between you and me, rockstars suddenly seem so uncool, yeah yeah yeah? :P


Wherein I Warn:
Talk not of how you don't believe the going up to become a star story. You did as a kid, I'm telling you you did. And if you still believe that story.. hell, talk not at all! Talk not of how rockstars (the gaana waalas) come and go just like rocks and stars do. Talk not of how I bungled up with "bad bad bad BAD misapproximation" - 5 negatives make a negative, I didn't screw up. Talk not, not ever, if you believe this was reason to kickstart a serious 'discussion' about anything at all.
All ye rocks, all ye stars, I grudge you not your happiness.

Awesomest Pick Me Up EVER!

Courtesy: Duck Vader =)

Snortdom I Provide

Go ahead, relate ;)

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.” FML

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and I noticed that there was a bug on the guys face in front of me. Trying to be nice I lightly smacked it off. His reaction was to punch me in the face. Repeatedly. FML

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted,"Hurry up, I have diarrhoea!" FML

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

-

Related post of interest - Entertainment Pimp. Of Sorts.

Why I Miss Orkut.

CASE I

"woww....so sweeeet profile....oopss ur wondering that who is this?welll u dont know mee & aslo i,i just came & saw ur profile,mere maaan ne kaha ki tumeh ek msg karu baaaas meine kiya,isake alawa kuch nahi,i swear...i know this is bad manners for that i m heartlyy soorrryyy...anywasys telll mekaise ho?hows mummy papa & all?tumhe freee time to nahi milta hoga that i know,fir bhi agar time mile to ek msg jarur karna...reat all is fine here,chalo im have to go now,give my regards to mummmy papa,byeee shwetaaaaaaa.."

He is frendly (sic), reads fictions (sic), sections pertaining to movies and music consist of the ultimate, DDLJ. 'Very right-conservative' political views, prefers 'minimal fashion'. What he probably thought 'right' and 'minimal' mean on here is up for discussion. The sicness.

Ah man. Rest all is fine there, so reassuring. I'm off to give mummy papa the dude's regards.

CASE II

"HI !!!

TO YOU 

BY SAM"

To Sir, With Love. Need I say more?

CASE III

hi shweta, i m viral from vashi, i like u r profile and interested to know u further if u like my profile accept me and hope to see you sooner online or something... take care..

Ahha! What 'something' are we talking about, me love?

CASE IV

kehne ki ho dil main koi baath mujhse kaho koi pal ho din ho ya ho raath mujhse kaho koi mushkil koi pareshani aaye tumhe lage kuch teek halaath mujhse kaho koi ho tammanna ya ho koi aarzoo rehna kabhi na bekhraar MAIN HOOO NAAAAAAAAA ---- HIIII 2 EVERY LETS WISH SHAHRUKH A VERY HAPPY N PROPEROUS HAPPYY BIRTHDAY

Aise integrated community efforts aur kahaan?

CASE V

In response to a "Who the hell are you?" scrap, which was sent in response to a "make friendship with me gul" scrap, I get -

i m a boy studing in tenth staying in vashi anything else

C'mon now, you don't really need me to put in a concluding wall of text for this post... :D

Wake Up!

But only to smell the roses. Make that cinnamon for those of you with refined tastes.

That my father thought it was a waste of time didn’t matter. That he would’ve preferred a Govinda flick with double entendres that he thought only he could comprehend is a different, laughable matter altogether. That my mother is the coolest thing ever and liked it too says volumes about her awesomeness. That my sister missed catching a different “cute guy” on the screen every other minute was irrelevant. Yeah, she’s in that phase… no dope on me, nope.

Getting back to the point, I loved the movie! And that is why you will get a bit by bit review that hopefully, will NOT include the story, dialogues and picturisation. Yep, I’m bullshitting you.

Since it’s a review, it will obviously include MY opinions, my sentiments, my POV. So don’t go looking for generalizations and politically correct “IMO”s. You want a view, you shell out 150 + travel charges. Simple as that. And now that that’s clear... :P

Since beating around the bush to tell you it’s a review post took three whole paragraphs, I’ll do what I can to keep the actual review short. Sum it up for you in 7 words –

Light – No pakaoing you with stooopid jackassery or “Ma ki mamta” bhashans. For a change, no one gets married, shot at or conks off.

Fast – Props to the director and screenplay chappies. Also the scriptwriter. Normal, believable, everyday stuff yet stuff I aww-ed over just the same.

Real – Relatable. From the occasional brat to the kid out to prove out a point, it was all stuff I could relate to. Made me happy, made me watch, made me happy. 

Voltage – For me, personally *wink*, it was one of those charge-you-up-and-make-you-wanna-DO-something! films. I’m not talking “inspiring” like Gandhi-Lincoln type ka inspiring. Not the idealist activism sorta charge either, though I’m sure it could manage that… yeah I’m loyal man, back ‘em to the hilt. Like Taare Zameen Par was the creative + idealist DO something, Rang De Basanti was more idealistic... the creative DO something kicked in only on seeing the graffiti. Par atleast today, it was the sort of voltage that reminded me of all the chota mota projects I had in mind for my Dad’s perennially on-loan camera, my wall-and-door décor, pending articles, gifts et al. I am erupting with ideas! Most likely the sort I’ll forget by 8 am, but fuck it, someone has to hand me a pencil.

Happy – Yeah, good ol’ Bollywood. Much as it may differ from a typical Bollywood masala flick, fact remains happy endings have got to happen. They were made for the emosunal janta of India, dammit! So yeah, you’re 10 minutes into the movie and you already know he’ll reunite with his family, get together with his new pal, get the job of his dreams, ya da ya da ya da. Cool. Now stuff it and predict outfit colours scenewise and in silence. 

Ooh yeah, I’m mean in the middle of the night…

One last thing, the apartment! All light, fresh, happy looking and totally inhabitable - you could believe the characters were the ones who put it all together. Doesn't get better than that. What bets the crew and all worked on it too? 

Another last thing, don’t EVER let pesky li’l pests stop you from sitting through the title track / spesal song/ bloopers they show as the credits roll. People don’t seem to understand that’s part of the screening time they’ve paid up for… so you stay back. Enjoy it! Aur kuch nahi toh usher ko zyaada time AC ka fayda hoga…

So yeah, my take - Go Watch. I say you wont miss the popcorn. =)

Try A Mush Pack Today

• I've been writing poems late at night and hiding them from my family and friends because I was embarrassed. Today I showed some to my mom who was an english major and editor. I have never seen my mother cry because she was so proud of me. I am now going to college and majoring in English too. MLIG

• Today my 22 year old brother hugged me. He's autistic, that's the first time he's ever hugged me in all of my 14 years on earth. MLIG

• Tomorrow I leave for college. Tonight when I said goodnight and goodbye to my sisters, my eight year old sis handed me a letter that said: "Even though we have a lot of fights, I still love you." I will miss her (and all my family) so much. They make my life G.

• Today, I skipped going to my boyfriend's cottage with a bunch of people to go to my aunt's 50th birthday party. She cried because she was so happy I was there. It was so worth it. MLIG

• I am sitting in my very last class at an Ivy League University. Thanks to the miracle of financial aid, I will be the first member of my family to graduate from college. I did it! MyLifeIsG!!!!!!!!!

• Two years ago, I lost my entire left leg in a car accident. While I was in hospital I wrote a list of everything I thought an amputation would stop me doing. Today, I am over halfway through completing everything on that list. Tomorrow, I start surfing lessons. MLIG

• Today, I paid for a soldier's lunch, who just returned from Iraq. She said, "You didn't have to do that" and I said, "Neither did you." She started crying, and so did I. MLIG.

• Today is my 17th birthday. As I went to blow out the candles, I realized that I couldn't think of anything to wish for. I have everything I've ever wanted. I give my wish to you. MLIG

• Today was the day I was going to kill myself. My best friends knew about this and whilst I was heading to the bridge they all texted me; saying how much they loved me and if I jump, they jump. I did a u-turn and went to all their houses and watched tears stream down each of their faces in pure joy. They saved my life. I love them with all my heart. MLIG :]

I'm in a sappy mood, so excuse me if the mush was too much for you to bear. 

Chanced upon a site called www.mylifeisg.com  this afternoon. That's My Life Is Great. Read awhile. Conclusion? Even as FML was entertaining and makes for solid resounding laughs, it's MLIG that really made my day.

It's amazing how we can smile for another. Sad how we so often choose not to.

Not trying to be preachy, but hey, look up someone who's happy the next time you feel down! =)

My Mother Is On Facebook.

Silence. The deafening variety.

She's on Facebook, she's on my list on friends, she's everywhere!

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my mother to bits and would live my life for her. I have this theory that living your life for someone/something must be infinitely tougher than giving it up for that particular whoever/whatever, but that's for another time, another post.

And she didn't track me down, sneak up on me, put on a "yo, imma hot dude, add me yu sexii chica!" disguise (that would never -wont ever- work, don't get funny ideas anyone...) and then do an India TV "parda faash!" gig at dinner one night. Au contraire, I'm the one who got her off VSNL and introduced her to Gmail and Facebook and my humble blog - I'm your modern-day saintly proponent of clicks and codes. I'm glad she's open minded and eager to learn the ropes on here, to see how these work best for her. I'm glad that it has given her an opportunity to reconnect with classmates, neighbours and friends from the years past. I'm glad she's being progressive about it and not giving me some "too old, too busy, and who cares anyway" concoction. 

I'm glad, glad, GLAD. Proud. I truly am. Come to think of it, I probably sound like a proud mum. Anyway, I think she's wayy cool.

But okay, picture this. Fictional situations all (so Ma, don't freak out.. nevertheless, CPR on hold guys!). Only for the sake of point making, ye get? So, for whatever reason, you upload on Facebook some pics of you and a bunch of friends downing criss-cross drinks or trying out some random grassy thing or in general playing the stupid/dangerous/perverted fool. Surprise surprise, your mom gains access to them! Oh and in case it hasn't crossed your mind yet, you're underage. HOW WILL YOU FEEL? I dunno know how you'll feel but boss, those pics will self destruct. Poof! And if that doesn't happen in time, haha, someone's gonna get hurt real bad tonight... 

Milder version of the same - you're flirting with whoever, and I'm talking serious flirting. The responses make you happy in the heart and mushy in the mind. And out of nowhere, Momma puts in an appearance. Potential poof situation. Not ideal, see? That's what I'm getting at. Virtual privacy ka popat.

Then again, this works both ways. Anytime she decides to crib about me, bitch or rant, I'll get those flashy red notifications. She decides to blog-rant, I can read. Random conversations with friends, I get updates, the inside scoop. 

We could go in for a cordial understanding that the other's profile is not to be looked at, updates to be ignored, but who am I kidding? We're sneaky pigs in that regard - do pardon the language, bas grasp the implication. And it'd get too boring, too soon. Guess we'll let things remain.

I'll just have to remember to flirt in private ;)

** This also holds good for college profs. Detected one on Facebook the other day. This might just turn into a series of "Who's On Facebook?" posts. :|

Entertainment Pimp. Of Sorts.

Secrets are fun. Particularly when they’re someone else’s and you get to read. Anonymously. *evil cackle*

Most people see it for the harmless entertainment it is and enjoy it - no I don’t want to know what that says about me. Usually, hang ups can be sourced to an unusual (note: I did NOT say stuck up) sense of another’s privacy (make what you will of that…), nasty moods or plain ol’ fatigue. 

The way I see it, if the chump concerned doesn’t mind putting up something that may be ‘personal’, why the hell should we care? Same goes for all revealing blogs. If YOU enjoy reading them, just go ahead and fill MTNL’s coffers anyway. 

One globally popular adda is PostSecret. For some reason, I’m not a particularly big fan of all those pics covered with text, but hey, to each his own.

A few days back I looked up a site that I’ve heard a lot about but never actually visited. Highly entertaining stuff. You’ll find stuff you can relate to in a “Oh shoot, me too!” way. You’ll find stuff that has you hooting and doubling over. Then there’s some that’s essentially sad, you’d hate it if it was happening to you, but because it’s someone else, you pick up on the humour and give a wry smile anyway. Of course, you’ll find posts that do nothing for you, but hey, having you read it does nothing for the post either. 

The site is www.fmylife.com For the anti-abbreviationists out there, that’s Fuck My Life. 

Samples –

• Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

• Today, in my science class I sat next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

• Today, I was driving in my car when out of the corner of my eye I notice a car pulling up next to me trying to get past me. I speed up, so as not to let the car pass me. It took me a while before I noticed I was racing against the shadow of my own car. FML

• Today, I yelled while I was sleeping....I was sleeping at a very important meeting with all the customers and my boss. FML

• Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML

You can post anonymously, answer a spot opinion poll and leave comments. Have a few good laughs, lighten up some, and get back to me with more sites if you know of them. 

Apologies to anyone who expected the post to be along drastically different lines. :P

Cheers

=)

Peeves, The Second. Bleh.

As promised, a bunch of profile peeves. And finally, the bullets make an appearance!

• About me classics -
   “I AM WAD I AM! U cannot change moi!!!! if yu dnt lyk me den F off!!!”. What, you have some spare nylon cords? Oh, Just Do It already.
• Another thing, almost everyone on Orkut is “relli cool.…hottt…. sexii….. nd… stylishh!!!”. Hot and cool, hot and cool. If I was a chauvinist chump, I’d say almost everyone on Orkut is working to become a female female, get what I mean? Yeah... Thing is, I’m willing to say that despite being a certified (if only biologically) female.
• “I don’t befriend strangers so stay away!!” – this from the kid with 400+ friends. Gets you thinking.. benefit of doubt is a difficult thing to dish out.

Best part is, all of this ends with an “I don’t have an attitude problem, get it?” comment. Am I the only one to find that funny? Uhm, nevermind.

When it comes to music, people listen to 'everything'. Cuisine? Why, everything. Arr.. how do they do it!?

Books? “I hate dem!!!!!!!!! / nott in mah vocab!! lolz”. Idiots. And if not that, some wax eloquent about Nancy Drews and Agatha Christies. For real. They were good, sure, but venture out some please? I find it disturbing that people don’t want to move out of the high school reading zone or try out authors outside the Archer-Sheldon bracket. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy them too, but sometimes, just for the sake of variety and all, ye know..?

A popular idea of a perfect first date –on an isolated beautiful island filled with greenery, surrounded by water on all sides, on a candlelit table for two. lavish dinner and then a walk along the beach. World, it’s the first date – why, unless there features a death wish or acute desperation and consequent mindblock, would someone want to be on an isolated island? People are either naïve or very naïve. I just know I’m going to get attacked for this one. Defense put off till then. :l

And then you have the frandship brand. You buy it for the first 10 seconds, then decide it’s a joke profile and have a good laugh. Fine fine, maybe not in every case. Yeah, right. Whatever be it, they make for interesting reads. Many testimonials have people paying homage, and rightly so. After all, who else offers 'frandship and loveship advice to strangers drifting in the ship of life'? Difficult to miss this one, but in case you haven’t been here before - http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Profile.aspx?uid=14707071151543310205

- - -

I’ve been thinking. Yes. People (yes, I'm 'people' too) come off as ruder/snarkier online than they really are, nay? Heh, I sure hope so.

So long.