Presenting All that Is Average

Showed up in the Drafts folder, you might as well rush through it :)

Today, I went to church. We were singing the hymn 665. Out of curiosity, I looked to see which church song deserved number 666. It was missing. MLIA

Today, I went with my mom to a furniture store. I was bored, so I just sat on a chair the whole time. Two elderly ladies came in and stared at me, talking to each other, trying to determine if I was real or not. MLIA

Today, I was in the AT&T store with my sister. I tried texting my own cell phone from one of the ones on display, and it actually worked. Later on, I saw a younger girl looking at the same cell phone I had used. I sent the phone a text reading, "Buy me." I don't think she caught on, but her totally shocked expression was priceless. MLIA.

Today, I was asked to substitute for a grade 9 geography class. They were learning about Inuit culture and had to watch a movie. About half way through, an adorable Inuit baby came on screen, laughing and running around. A boy in the front of the class then proceed to raise his hand and ask why the baby was laughing in English. Life fail? I think so. MLIA.

Today, I was waiting at the grocery store for my friend when a woman walked through the electronic door and froze in place. I heard her mutter to herself, "What did I come here for?" I called out to her, "Toilet paper! Milk! Bananas!" She looked at me and said "BANANAS! That's a great idea!" and dashed off. I saw her later, walking through the store. Her arms were full of bananas. MLIA.

Today I was making a craft project that used different colors of wool. I couldn't tell wether one bit was black or dark blue, so I held it up to my face and sniffed it. I then realized that I lack the ability to smell color. MLIA

Today, I was in a restaraunt using my knife to make a reflection on the ceiling and move it in erratic patterns until I realised the girl two tables away was doing the same thing. We then spent over five minutes playing Tag with our cutlery reflections. We're going out on Friday. MLIA

Today, I was using the bathroom in a restaurant. While I was doing my business, I considered the "Knick Knack Patty Whack" song. I suddenly realized that it goes to the same tune of the "I Love You" song from Barney. I was so shocked that I gasped very loudly just before the automatic flusher went off. A little girl in the stall next to me said "These potties scare me too." MLIA

Today my family was eating dinner. My step mom set down potato salad on the table. I thought about it for a while and realized that I like like potatoes, and I like salad, but when their forces combine...I completely hate it. I told this thought to my sister and without skipping a beat she said, "That's exactly how I feel about camel toes."

Today my computer was saying that it could not detect my keyboard. It then proceeded to ask me to press F1 to continue. MLIA

Today, I was sitting in the park and saw a guy walking a turtle. The turtle had a leash. MLIA

Today, I took a math test which I found really easy, so I drew an "A" at the top and put it in chains, with the words "free him" next to it. When I got it back, my teacher had drawn scissors cutting the chains and wrote congratulations. How did scissors cut metal chains? MLIA.

Today, my biology teacher passed out our quiz. About ten minutes into the quiz, almost everyone in the room was laughing uncontrollably. Why? We are studying genetics, and my teacher decided to use two students in the problem on the second part of the quiz. Apparently, these two "never wanted kids, but after experiencing how fun it was to make babies, they had three." They were sitting next to each other in class. I didn't know that two people's faces could get so red. MLIA

Last week at family christmas, my grandma asked me when I was getting married, trying to guilt me by saying she's not going to be around forever and she wants to see one more grandchild get married. I'm still in college and haven't though much about marriage, replied I'd get married when my boyfriend asks me while dressed as Prince Charming. Apparently my grandma told my boyfriend and today I was proposed to by Prince Charming, and I'm now engaged. MLIA

Today, I was reading MLIA to see if my story had made the website. Everytime I saw "Today," I got excited thinking it was my story. It wasn't. MLIA

For more.